There has been a recent blogging uproar because of the 'false advertisings' of life.  I've seen how this applied to motherhood, marriage and being female in general.  I won't rehash what's been said by whom, but if you're shaking your head right now, you know what I'm talking about.  Today I'm going to break open another case of deception : losing one's virginity.

There are normally two thought patterns with girls and going all the way.  Either you were going to wait until it was with someone you love, someone who means the world to you, someone who it will be special with...or you thought like I did.  I was just about to turn 17. My closest friends had already had sex and snickered when I didn't know what they were talking about, so it was clear I needed to just get it over with. I was tired of being the girl who didn't have a clue. To me, the thought of sex was much like the thought of going to Disneyworld - it didn't appeal to me all that much, but everyone seemed to like it, so why not?

My friends were going camping with their boyfriends one night and said I should do it then. (Isn't it amazing how pre-planned this was...by other people?) I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, so I called a friend and asked him to come along. I clearly remember being on the phone with him:

Me : So...um...we're all going to the lake tonight. Wanna come with me?

R : Uhhh...ok sure. Should I bring protection?

Me : Yeah, if you want to.

R : Cool.

Easy as that - it was set. We both knew the point of the whole trip, as he wasn't the kind of friend I'd normally ask to go camping. So we set up at the lake, smoked a lot of pot, and went to our tents, my friend winking at me as I reluctantly zipped up the flap. I remember just sort of getting into it - we didn't chat about it or look at each other much. It wasn't that kind of encounter for either of us.

You hear all the rumors about what your first time will be like. It will hurt. There may be blood (oh the horror!). It will be strange at first, but pretty cool at the end. I was even literally listening for the pop, I mean, what is that about? The only thing about any of that stuff that turned out to be true? It was strange. I'm not sure if it was the pot I smoked or the utter bore that we were together, but I even had to fight to stay awake. I actually might have dozed off in there somewhere. Rock my world, indeed!  And the whole condom thing? Good god, we won't even go there.

Needless to say, I was not impressed. Of course, when my friends nudged me in the car on the way home and prodded for details, I made it sound like perfection, like we meshed so well together, like it was the greatest thing ever. They agreed and giggled, but you know in their minds they were thinking, "Really? Because my first time SUCKED." Out loud, I was ready to do it again, but in my head I was wondering how I could get out of it for another 16 years.

This is a false advertisement that nature must have implanted in us so that women will actually have sex that first time - regardless of if it's at 16 or when you're on your honeymoon. If all us women knew that the first time is one of the biggest "uhhh"s of your life, you men would be getting nothing.

I eventually did make it to Disneyworld. The lines were long and slow-moving, I was bored out of my mind, and the hype way outshined the actual experience.  All-in-all, I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised.  At least at the lake I got to get high first.