<< All Right, Fine, Shaddup! | Main | Feature Blogger >>

Ah, Good Ol' Lesbians

We went to a friend's birthday party last night.  There was one guy there - and about 20 lesbians. 

Shellie and I don't normally socialize. And we certainly don't go to lesbian parties. There's just always drama draping the air, like at any moment it could burst and someone would take off their flannel and strangle their ex who is sleeping with her friend's ex's ex twice removed.  Or something.  Anyway.  We just don't get out much.

We got our friend a gift from Pottery Barn, some incense sticks and oil and stuff that smelled of hibiscus.  On the way to the party, Shellie said, "They're going to look at this box and say POTTERY BARN?!  What the....that's not a chainsaw!"

That's my girl.  We always try to pinpoint the worst stereotypes in everyone. When we got there, we didn't have to try anymore...the did a pretty good job of it themselves. 

There were a couple ladies there who, if you didn't know better, you would have said to yourself 'that is a woman?'  There were also the ladies who you would ever imagine were gay, unless you had a very finely tuned gaydar.  We had the couple who had been dating for a month who were getting ready to move in with one another. We had the girl in flannel and cowboy boots and a 10-gallon hat who pulled up in a pickup truck bigger than my house. We had the "oh my god, did you hear what _____ said to ____?!"  We had platters of cheese and glasses of wine (this breed of lesbian is always classy).  We had a tub of beer (for the other breed).  We had the couple who sat in their car, arguing. We had the girl who hooted at the girl walking by wearing all pink. We had the inside jokes that were made so obvious, everyone knew what was being said : 'yeah, you crossed MY border last year...ha ha ha...we'll keep that one to ourselves though...ha ha ha...hugs'.

.YAWN.

We ducked out of there after 2 beers (we must be that breed) and way too much cheese (or, we could be that breed).  We drove away, laughing, glad to be going back to seclusion and glad an ex of an ex of an ex didn't show up like it was rumored.

I did make sure to announce to my friend a warning that anything that happens at the party MAY end up on my blog.  But, ya know, I don't think she really believed me.

May 9, 2006 09:22 AM |
Trackbacks
Comments

I'm flashing back to the episode of Family Guy where Meg "becomes" a lesbian and walks around with her spikey mullet and sleeveless flannel. I thought it was just some bad societal misperception and here I have you confirming it. Scary.
Posted by Kevin at May 9, 2006 11:29 AM

LOL, I love watching people and that sounds like a fantastic chance to do just that. I've often wondered if women who exhibited poor fashion sense and horribly butchy hair just wind up being lesbians by default. Like Larry the Cable Guy without facial hair. How ever did you manage to stifle all the laughter?
Posted by Karl in the Dark at May 9, 2006 11:54 AM

That'll teach you. You shoulda stayed home in your nice, safe, quiet house. That socializin' stuff is for the birds... No wonder you're so cranky today. What the heck were ya thinkin'? ;)
Posted by Pappy at May 9, 2006 12:41 PM

I love watching how diffent people present themselves in social situations. And yet I hate parties and awkward social gatherings... the irony. At least you warned them that you were planning to write about the party. And you were kind - you didn't even name names!
Posted by Erin at May 9, 2006 01:12 PM

Socializing sucks. LOL. I can't believe you wrote about this and I am actually asking this question on your blog...Ok, seriously, we(Jason and I) were wondering why some lesbians look like men. I mean...aren't they attracted to women? BUT if you are a lesbian and dating someone that looks mostly like a man, wouldn't make you a little hetro? We were just watching some show and the gay guy was like the hottest man ever and the gay woman looked like she rolled out of a dumpster. It was really odd. I think if you don't know(because neither you nor shellie look like men) that you need to go to another party and poll around because it's confusing.
Posted by Deb_LA at May 9, 2006 01:20 PM

It seems as though the lesbian birthday party from my dreams is not quite the same as a lesbian birthday party in reality. It's nice to know that there is still cake, however. :-)
Posted by Dave2 at May 9, 2006 03:27 PM

You disappoint me. Where’s the Chase I know that would have shown up in a fake mullet and sleeveless flannel?
Posted by Chanakin at May 9, 2006 03:39 PM

You ought to write a book! You're so good at nailing down character traits!
Posted by ABlondeBlogger at May 9, 2006 03:49 PM

For the record....They werent all Flannel wearin' tobacco spitten' "Ladies". So Dave2 you can be rest assured that your lesbian dream birthday party can really happen. :)
Posted by chelliefish at May 9, 2006 04:20 PM

Kevin - LOL Not everyone fits the stereotypes, but most, sadly, do. I guess that's why there ARE stereotypes. Hehe! Karl - hehe! NO. We giggled the whole time. That is, when she wasn't wrestling me away from the cheese platters. Pappy - No kidding. I think I'm becoming allergic to people. I'll stick with my lovely internet buddies. ;) Erin - Very true!! Shellie said "you know _____ is going to read your blog, right?" I said, "Sure...that's why I didn't say anything bad about her." (Hi, her) hehe Deb - LMAO!! Ya know, I have no clue. What's even stranger is gay guys who date drag queens. I just don't get it! hehe! To each his own, I guess. (literally!) Dave - Oh no. I hate to break this to you. There wasn't any cake. :( I'm sorry, babe. But chicks WERE kissing...if that makes you feel any better. Chanakin - Ack! Anything but the mullet!! Besides, the irony would be lost on that crowd. Heh. Blonde - hehe!! HEY! I'm workin' on it! ;) Chellie - Hi honey. :) You're right - there weren't many BAD stereotypes. Mostly lovely, nice ladies. Except you...you kinda look like a guy with your mustache and all... *hides*
Posted by Chase at May 9, 2006 04:32 PM

Its my disguise because i dont want anyone to know im with a skank. Kisses!
Posted by chelliefish at May 9, 2006 04:34 PM

So lesbians really ARE like they are in the L Word? 'Cause that's hot! Hee hee..
Posted by CeCe at May 9, 2006 08:04 PM

Ha, this is like every party at my best friend's place in DC. It's all lesbian new moms and a few gay men and some rugrats. And Nate. He's always happy enough because he has many willing women with whom to yap about the Redskins.
Posted by Mom101 at May 10, 2006 10:06 PM