I haven't been around the last couple of days because my 7-year-old beagle, Malachi, had been acting strange and feeling sick.  We couldn't figure out what was wrong with him - until it was too late.  He died early this morning from what they're saying was an infection in his brain.

Looking back over the last 2 days of his life, I can see that he knew he was dying.  And he was trying to let me know. 

He was really clingy - anywhere I would go, he would be right next to me.  If I was sitting down, he would be in my lap. If I was standing up, he wanted to be held.  And that wasn't normal Malachi. He also tried to go quietly under the house and die alone, like dogs do, but when I showed up under there with a flash light and his leash, he lovingly followed me out.

Last night, for 2 hours straight, he was sitting/laying on my chest and staring at me in the face.  He refused to be more than 6 inches away. I was crying because I didn't know how to help him feel better, and he kept gently sticking his nose up to my tears - not licking them...just letting me know he knew.

If I wasn't holding him, he was fidgeting, pacing, circling, non-stop movement.  If I held him, he relaxed every muscle.  For about 15 minutes, I rocked him and then I sat down, holding him to my chest like a child.  That's where he died...in my arms.

He went limp and started having massive seizures after that, at 1:30am - and just never came out of it.  At 4am, the vet called and said he'd stopped breathing and they were doing it for him. His heart was still beating, but just barely.  At 4:20, after still no response to medication and the vet saying he had no visible brain function left, we had them put him down.  They put my baby boy down...my beloved child of 7 years...my heart.

I'm going to miss every single thing about that dog.  The way his toenails sounded on the wooden floors.  The way he stretched under the covers every morning.  The way he hogged every inch of the bed.  The games just he and I knew how to play. The way he arched his head back and howled in protest when I left him in the car for 5 seconds. The blonde lining that was just beginning to appear around the edge of his floppy ears.  Bee-hugs. That stupid pink ball that always smelled of slobber. 

The boy was my beating heart.  And I'm officially broken.

Malachi : 10/29/1999 - 5/12/2006