I was watching Ham on the Street the other night and they had some guy chasing a chicken.  Long story - just know it was funny shtuff.  Anyway, that sparked a memory and I thought I'd share with you, my lovely internets.

When I was about 4-years-old, we lived next door to some people who raised chickens.  I was playing outside and saw one of the hens corralling about six cute little chicks around the yard.  I watched as she herded them together and then went pecking a few feet away.

I sat and made a mental note of her pattern and decided if I could catch the hen with her back turned, I could chase her away and catch the babies so I could play with them.  I mean, come on, they were SO cuddly-looking!  So I grabbed a laundry basket and prepared to make my move.

As soon as she went off on her own, I ran like wild toward the birds.  Mom went one way - babies went the other.  My plan had worked!  I was catching up to the little chickies when I heard it : screetching like a banshee behind me.   It was like slow-motion.  As I was running, I turned my head to see her...momma hen was right on my tail, her wings spread out, her head down, her beak open in what looked to me like a razor-sharp death trap.  It hadn't occurred to me that she might try and protect her babies.

As I whipped back around, I screamed from the pit of my soul, tears bursting from my eyes.  I was going to die by a beak in the throat, I knew it.  I moved as fast as my little legs would carry me and made a wide u-turn back toward the house.  My mom heard my ruckus and flung open the front door to see me, running full-speed with a laundry basket in my hands, squawking like a freak.  I remember screaming "CHICKEN!!! CHICKEN!!!!!!!!" and running to her so she could save my life. 

Once I was hiding behind her, she asked me what was going on.  I turned to point at the death-chicken running after me, but she wasn't there.  She was in the yard, pecking away happily with her babies like nothing ever happened.  It was all a ploy!  She'd fooled me, the bitch!

But I never did chase birds again.  That fat ol' hen taught me a lesson I couldn't have learned any other way.

Anyone up for KFC?