I grew up with two brothers, 9 and 10 years older than I am.  So, by the time I could understand english and put together a sentence, what I was hearing around me was nothing but fart jokes, booby talk and double entendre.  In turn, I had the sense of humor of a teenage boy instilled deep into my psyche.  Needless to say, I still can't hear a carpenter say they have wood to hammer.

Heh. Wood. You're gonna go hammer your wood. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Not only will I never laugh at intelligent jokes the way I laugh at crude ones, I will also always make fun of you and call you mean names.  I'm quite a lady, yeah?

I grew up with terms of endearment like "tard monkey" and "uber slimeball".  My brothers, to me, are "gayer than jesus" and "fugly like yo momma".  If I hear someone call me a freak, or retard, or assface, I get a tingly in my heart and love them bunches.  You really can do no wrong in referring to me as an ugly freak of nature.  I'd probably give you a big, fat hug and call you a buttlicker. 

I still have a postcard that my brother sent me years ago.  On it, he calls me an "ugly, spastic, retarded, disfigured mongoloid."   Not politically correct, you say?  What. Ever.  There ain't no such thing...those are all lovely words, in my opinion.

When I've gotten comfortable with someone, I usually start to poke fun.  Some people take this the wrong way - I even had one girl think I didn't like her and said I was mean.  ME!  Mean!   All I did was tell her she was stupid and make fun of her hat. I think I might have even pushed her.  I mean, that's LOVE, right there, folks.

So, for all you people going to BlogHer or who I may meet in the future...I apologize in advance.  If I laugh and call you a moron, it's only because I think you're great.   And if I pinch you on your arm and giggle about it?  I just wanna be your friend.  And if I trip you and step on your face and call you a pig?   Well, then stop touching my boobiess that way because I really don't like when you do that.

Heh. I said boobies.