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I Mean, Who WOULDN'T Want Some Of This?

So, I pull up to the gas station today and as soon as I get out of my car, I hear "MMMMM MMMMM!!!" all obvious and gross-like.  I ignore it and scoot toward the store to pay.  Before I reach the door, I hear, "hey, girl!  HEY!" and I look over.  A guy is sitting in his car and smiles all pervvy and says "Hi...how YOU doin?"

Yeah. Totally Joey. But without all the charm. Or looks. Or anything remotely close to Joey.

I smile, say hey, and walk into the store, already dreading walking back out.  When I do, I try to act like I'm in a rush.  He doesn't get the hint.

The conversation goes like this:

Icky Dude : Hey girl. How you doin?

Me (walking like I have to pee really badly): *quick smile*

Icky Dude : Hey girl. <something I don't understand>?

Me : Sorry. In a hurry.

Icky Dude (now yelling because I'm crossing the parking lot) : Wait! Wait! Come here! I have something to ask you!

Me (turning around) : What?

Icky Dude : You know anyone who needs any Xanax bars?

Me : Ummm...no.  Sorry.

Icky Dude : Mmmmm, mmmmm!!! *bites his bottom lip*  DAMN.  Girl, you gotta man?

Me (walking away again) : Yes....I'm married.  Sorry!

 --------------------

Ok. Ew.

I suppose I can see someone trying to pick up someone at a store.  Whatever.  BUT!  Not so much in the way he did.  And, um, please take a gander at how was looking at the moment of pickup attempt.  I'd just gotten off of work.  And I smelled bad, to boot.

THIS?  This garnered an "MMMM MMMMM, DAMN!!!" from the guy?  

 

Yo, check it. I'm a hot biotch y'all!

 

Because I'm durrrrrrrrrty!

 

My street-walkin' shoes, yo.

 

My hair does that without wind.  I'm supafly!

 

So I ask...WTF was he thinking?!   "Damn, this girl needs a bath!  I want me summa that!"

*insert rolling eyes here*

November 9, 2006 04:20 PM |
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Comments

When I lived in Florida something similar happened to me. I stopped at a gas station in downtown Fort Lauderdale on the way home from work. As I was putting gas in my car, a guy (maybe your guy's brother?) yelled across the parking lot to me, "HEY! You date black?" I was so flustered that I mumbled "No, sorry." Although I've never dated anyone black, it's not that I'm against dating black guys. It's more that I'm against dating any guy who'd yell across a gas station parking lot at me instead of walking over and saying hello, etc.
Posted by Green at November 9, 2006 05:40 PM

Damn, girl! You lookin' mighty hot there! When you come to TequilaCon, promise me you'll be wearing that...
Posted by Dave2 at November 9, 2006 07:07 PM

LMFAO- that is funny!!! HOTNESS!!! i can hear that shit now.. damn girl! D A M N !!! *snaps*
Posted by jennster at November 9, 2006 07:09 PM

Oh, come on, you're looking DAMN hot there! I'd be yelling at cha too!
Posted by CeCe at November 9, 2006 07:39 PM

Stop being so humble. You are a Supah-model.
Posted by Suebob at November 9, 2006 09:17 PM

Stop being so humble. You are a Supah-model.
Posted by Suebob at November 9, 2006 09:21 PM

Its all about numbers. If he does that 1000 times, eventually somebody is prolly gonna say "Let's go, daddy." He probably just figgered he could stop and buy a paint scraper on the way to the Motel 6. ...and if it had been Oprah shouting at you, you woulda been all over that, and you know it. ;)
Posted by Pappy at November 9, 2006 10:01 PM

When I lived in Northern CA. every time I would put on stinky workout clothes and walk, I'd get the same man (like yours, I mean) asking if he could walk me home, LOL. Lied, said I was married and even started wearing a faux diamond band to work out, haha!
Posted by Hilly at November 9, 2006 10:06 PM

You got hotness written all over you. I'd lick you now more than ever if you looked like that. Please promise not to get any dusty stuff all over me when I begin to lick you, mmkay? You sexy thang.
Posted by Mocha at November 9, 2006 10:46 PM

You got hotness written all over you. I'd lick you now more than ever if you looked like that. Please promise not to get any dusty stuff all over me when I begin to lick you, mmkay? You sexy thang.
Posted by Mocha at November 9, 2006 10:48 PM

I was LMAO right up until I got to the comment immediately preceding this one -- and then I think I threw up a little in my mouth with Mocha sounding a lot like the perv at the gas station. Anyway, another great post, Chase! (BTW, your splinter anecdote in your sidebar made me cringe! Been there, done that... yeeeOUCH!... except I didn't use a box knife, I used needlenose pliers. It hurts all over again just thinking about it.)
Posted by Brad at November 10, 2006 05:48 AM

Green - LOL! Do you date black?? What a very strange question...haven't heard that one before. Hahahahah! You should have said, 'yes, but I don't date creep!' Dave - Well, I hadn't planned on it, for sure, but if it'll give me a shot at your fine ass, I'll bring all the whites I've got. Jennster - Yeah, hmmmm...maybe it was the sweat-stained bandana that did it. I should wear that one to the mall and see if it gets any reaction. CeCe - Well, that's because you're a super-slut. ;) ;) ;) Suebob - You know, you only have to post once for me to love you more. Quality...not quantity. ;) Pappy - If you keep using the "O" word on my site, I'm going to ban you. >:( Hilly - What IS that?? No makeup, dirty clothes, stinky pits. Why would we even want a man who is attracted to that? LOL! Though...I must admit I'd stalk you no matter what you were wearing. Mocha - Holy crap. Um. COME HERE RIGHT NOW. I love you. Let the licking commence. Thankyou. Brad - Mocha IS a perv like that guy...hell, she may actually have BEEN that guy. Of course, if I'd have known that, I'd have hopped in the car. Ain't nothin' like a lickin' from Mocha. GRAR.
Posted by Chase at November 10, 2006 07:39 AM

Um, maybe I'm in the minority, but that's what my man-fetchin' shoes look like. It was defintely the shoes. And no, I have NO idea why *this* post pulled me out of lurkerdom.
Posted by V at November 10, 2006 07:50 AM

oooh!! HOOOOTTTT SCHTUFF!!!
Posted by adena at November 10, 2006 09:00 AM

Oh, good. You're talking about me in the comments. I'm going to Google "Mocha" and "Perv" and pray like the dickens that I come up with this post.
Posted by Mocha at November 10, 2006 09:52 AM

I've been visiting your blog and thoroughly enjoy my visits! I can relate to your pickup adventure. It seems the skankier I look and smell, the more pickup attempts I get. Crazy!
Posted by Nina at November 10, 2006 11:55 AM

Ha ha! I've had guys hitting on me when I worked at Walmart, but usually Josh was right there nearby, and ran away when they saw him, LOL. But geez! not lookin' like that (though you're still gorg, just sloppy gorg). Men are pigs, that's all it is, *giggle*
Posted by Sarah at November 10, 2006 12:16 PM

It was the little hair thing! :/
Posted by Muse at November 10, 2006 02:01 PM

Oh come on Chase, even under that baggy Michelob Ultra tee, it's obvious that you have a rockin' bod. I can't believe I forgot to ask you this at BlogHer, but what do you do, anyway? I mean, obviously you paint...something, right? Houses? Sorry to be nosy, just curious.
Posted by Elizabeth at November 10, 2006 02:48 PM

V - Hahah! Well, I'm glad you came out to say something, then! Yay! :) Adena - So...what? Are you asking me out? Because I totally accept. Unless you're not. Then, um...nevermind. Mocha - Honey, if you google ANYTHING perv-related, I'd bet your name comes up. Nina - Another Oklahoman, I see! Yay! Maybe it's just an Oklahoma thing, then...our boys like us dirty and smelly! (Glad I'm movin' to Texas, then!) Sarah - LOL! Ok, good save there. "At least I didn't look like YOU! Grossssss!" heheheh! ;) Muse - Hah! I thought so too. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize it was doing that until I'd gotten home. Arrrgh. Elizabeth - Yeah, I paint houses. :) I was an industrial/commercial subcontractor for 10 years before I started my own residential biz. I like homes MUCH better than factory/office stuff!
Posted by Chase at November 10, 2006 03:13 PM

I'm TOTALLY asking you out! Umm...you might want to wait on accepting that offer until I am no longer a plague rat...I'm just sayin'....:)
Posted by adena at November 10, 2006 04:25 PM

I LOVE that last picture of you! :) :) I think we all have our fair share of stories and creepy guys.... ((HUGS)) But yes.. you are hot even with your painting clothes on :) (at least nim thinks so! ;) )
Posted by Miracle at November 10, 2006 06:11 PM

I think I used to know that guy. Hobs or Hubs Baker - something like that. Learned him everythang I know 'bout woman-folk. ...and Miracle's in trouble...
Posted by Pappy at November 10, 2006 09:48 PM

hey! A fellow Okie! hello! :)
Posted by emery jo at November 10, 2006 10:53 PM

It's like Billy Crystal said in When Harry Met Sally... "You pretty much wanna bang them, too."
Posted by L.A. Daddy at November 10, 2006 11:17 PM

Adena - SWEET! Though, doesn't your hotness negate your plagueness? I'd think it would. Miracle - Heheh! Uh oh, you done made the grandpa mad. He refuses to admit he thinks I'm the hottest hotty that ever hotted. Pappo - Um. NO. I'm gonna tell him you said that. (Though he DOES love him summa me in paint clothes. Heh!) EmeryJo - Hey you!! Yay! Another Okie gal! LADaddy - LOL! Boys will be boys, I suppose. Hahah! And that's why we love ya. ;)
Posted by Chase at November 11, 2006 11:39 AM

Chase, girl, seriously, you are adorable. You make freakin' paint pants look hot. Which is not my style to just stroke egos. If you looked stank I'd say, "hairs looking tweaked, maybe he was on crack?" But you're so cute! I got no such come ons today when I walked in to an Irish pub mid-afternoon with smelly pits, lycra cycling pants, a tank top and grandma white bra peeking out.
Posted by Fizzle at November 11, 2006 07:02 PM

Is Mocha licking people again? Why wasn't I invited? Mocha, Chase and Me................hmmmmmm
Posted by QofS at November 13, 2006 10:20 AM

Obviously he needed some free painting done.
Posted by Bubba at November 14, 2006 01:10 PM

Even covered in smuck, you're adorable. But yeah, I've noticed the same darn thing. I even dated one guy for a little while who I met while working horses. HE was chopping trees, shirtless, so, uh...it made sense on MY end. But me? Working horses (Basically riding one after another, getting ready for an upcoming show)? In the afternoon? In August? In Arkansas? Dirty, stinky, sweaty...NOT PRETTY. And yet, here he came, bearing a cool slice of watermelon. And without a shirt. And with lots of muscles. Who could resist? Unfortunately, he turned out to be quite insane. Which is a story for another time. Zeeee Crazies, I draw zem like zee fliiiiiies, Babeeeee.
Posted by Belinda at November 18, 2006 02:48 PM