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Chase Answers All Life's Questions...Or Two Of Them

Dear Google searcher from Boston,

I can tell you all that you need to know right now.  The fact that you are searching for "vagania pictures" is the reason you're only seeing them in pictures.  And your spelling abilities aren't really even the issue here.

Love, Chase

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Someone sent me this email after reading my post about puberty : 

i am 17 now i have kinda hit puberty but as of last year i was the little kid at school i was like 5'1 and had a small weiner and everyone else at school has big huge dongs like 6inches but anyway i had a high voice and everything but this summer that just passed i grew a lot i am noe 5"8 my voice is deep but my wang is like 5 inhes but not big diameter that is where the kinda comes in like i have hair down there and everything armpit hair all the works but am i gunna be stuck with this small wang? if i am that sucks because i have girls that like me but i don't want to get to serious because i am afraid they will make fun of my weiner but if they really like u  should they care how big u r and way that story reminds me of what happened to me. thanks

Dear "Hair Down There",

Use of "weiner" twice : check.

Use of "wang" twice : check.

Use of "dong" twice : *BUZZZZZZZZZ*

Oooooh, sorry, kid.  I can't help you if you don't follow the Rules of Emailing Chase.  Everyone MUST use dong twice in all my emails, no matter what.  Ohhh well.  Hey, by the way, have you met that kid from Boston?  I bet you guys would get along great!

Love, Chase

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Any other questions? 

January 17, 2007 08:09 PM |
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Comments

Yes, could you please address the uhmmm, "interesting" person who searched for "a scale to weigh my poo" and somehow landed at my blog? I really have no idea what to say about that one!
Posted by Hilly at January 17, 2007 09:16 PM

Ah Chase. A girl can be sick with the flu, working like a dog, separated and without her dogs and read your blog and feel like -- to quote the Oracle in the Matrix -- everything is right as rain. Hilarious! Particularly because I now realize why my emails have never been received by you ... lack of usage of the well-chronicled Chase-required doubled dong verbiage.
Posted by Fizzle at January 17, 2007 09:23 PM

You get the BEST emails! Also, that kid's spelling and grammar? Make me worried for the future of America.
Posted by Elizabeth at January 17, 2007 09:34 PM

I think that is far and away a better email than Dave's "I hate you...you suck" emails. :) I never get any fun emails, dammit.
Posted by adena at January 17, 2007 10:57 PM

Vagania Pictures? I think I know a drag queen by that name. What, praytell, were you writing that the Boston Scrabble champ landed at your blog?
Posted by francesdanger at January 18, 2007 04:40 AM

............STOP posting my emails...............dammit. That is all.
Posted by Pappy at January 18, 2007 06:39 AM

wow, that's a very interesting email to send to a complete stranger!
Posted by Dawn (webmiztris) at January 18, 2007 10:03 AM

Thank you for the coffee spit out onto my keyboard. I love laughing that hard and the keyboard will clean up.
Posted by Wendy Boucher at January 18, 2007 11:29 AM