I wish:

• ...I had back that 1 hour 50 minutes of my life so I could do something that required more brain activity....like drooling or growing fingernails.
• ...the seats in the theater weren't all still wet from last night's cleaning, making everyone have to sit on loud garbage bags the usher handed out.
• ...I never heard Nic Cage mumble horrid lines like "You touch The Carpenters or my chimp video again and there'll be a spat comin."
• ...my rack looked as good in a button-up shirt as Eva Mendes'.
• ...Nic Cage's head would actually burst into flame.

A friend of mine had a motorcycle.  Anytime she was on it and passed another motorcycle, they'd both stick their arms out at each other and do that Cool Kid Head Nod thing.  I've seen this a lot with bikes...anytime they pass another, they acknowledge the other riders by basically saying "You totally rock like I do, yo."

The Boyfriend drives a silver Acura.  Yesterday, while leaving Best Buy, another silver Acura was pulling in and the guy was waving and doing the Cool Kid Head Nod thing. Boyfriend was thrilled and waved back, saying, "HEYYYYYY!!!!"  They pointed to each other's cars and laughed with glee. 

So I thought, hey, I'll give it a shot, too!  I mean, it feels great to belong to the cool group, yeah?  Unfortunately, I'm finding out that when you drive a four-door 2001 Ford Taurus, the other ladies don't want to play that game.  They just speed by pretending they don't see you excitedly waving and pointing at them.

Those bitches.

Hey, Mr. Macy!

William. Willy. Will-o.

I'm just writing this to say hi. And to say you're waaaaay up there on my list of freaking cool actor-type-guys. Magnolia? Brilliant. Boogie Nights? Amazing. State and Main? Love it. And do I even have to mention Fargo?

In short, I love you. No, really. I think you're fantastic.

So, with that, I also have to ask...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!??!

Wild Hogs? A movie called Wild Hogs!? And, sadly, the title looks like the BEST part of the movie. Your co-stars are John Travolta, Martain Lawrence, and (oh.my.god.) Tim Allen. Uuuuuhhm. NO!

As a fan, I have to say you're way too smart to do movies like this. Please, for the love of braincells all over the world, stop it.

That is all.

Love, Chase

p.s. Quick. Someone get P.T. Anderson on the horn and tell him to give Mr.Macy some real work!

For some reason, my comments aren't working again.  Brilliant, seeing as how I JUST asked everyone to leave me a comment.  Yee. Haw. 

<insert lots of cussing here>

*update* Working now. I think. I dunno. Someone shoot me.

Today marks the one year annivesary of me starting up Taste The World, my very own little ol' corner of the blog world.  *gleam*  I'm so proud! 

Since I, um, kinda missed De-Lurking week forever ago, could you please comment now if you're still a lurkster? I'll love you long time if you do! For me?  For my anniversary? Pretty please? I'll show you my boobs.

(Not really, J, honey...those are for your eyes only. *MWAH*)

(quick, everybody! before J sees!)

Ahem.

SO!  To celebrate, I'd like to tell you to LEAVE MY WEBSITE NOW (afteryouleaveacomment) and go see these other things. I'm spreadin' the love, yo.

• First of all, I'd like to point you in the direction of Jenny Lawson, a contributer to Mama Drama.  I'd been reading her posts for awhile but somewhat recently broke down and did what any self-respecting admiring blogger would do: I read every.single.thing from her archives and then sent her an email telling her I was going to start stalking her from now on because she was funny and pretty and smart and she better watch out because I live in Texas now too and because I freaking looooooooooove her.  She was nice in her response and implied that she wouldn't be calling the cops. Thank you, Jenny. Can I touch your hair?
• Then there's Indexed.  You may have heard of it, but I just found it today (thanks, Jess!).  AMAZING.  Brilliant. Funny. Makes you use your head. Just go read it. I've been playing in the archives all afternoon and never tire of it!
• Most of you already know Suebob, but I'm going to give you her Linkateria blog anyway.  I freaking LOVE it.  She finds some great info/stories/funny stuff out there and shares it with everyone. I didn't think I could be more lazy on this computer than I was already...but I was WRONG, thanks to Suebob!  (Did I mention that Suebob brought me fresh mint leaves at BlogHer so I could make mojitos?! How great is she??)
• Izzy was just talking about not wanting to call our parts "vaginas" and "penises" with her kids.  Well, here ya go, Izzy...a site listing all the euphemisms you could ever want!  Hilarious!

So. Go now. Before I kill you.

(*whispers* Not you, Jenny)

Dawn mentioned awhile back that one of her nicknames growing up was 'crack of Dawn', which, in all honesty, and though I'm sure it sucked for her, still makes me laugh out loud.  I mean, seriously...that's comedy, right there.

It made me start thinking about some of the horrible nicknames people get/give growing up.  I had many given to me by my family, but we don't have that kind of time...so I'll stick with the ones I remember from my schoolmates.

• Bird - because my chest was as flat as a robin's.  Mean boys.
• Breasteses - because, hey!, my boobs got really big one year!  Jealous boys.
• Meat and Potatoes - because...well, everything else got a little bigger, too. MEAN. BOYS.
• Monkey Arms - I forgot about this one until tonight. I suppose it makes sense that that is why I shaved them.

After I read Dawn's post, I was thinking how cruel kids are and how, though I have a nickname for almost everyone I know, I would NEVER make up a mean one!  I called my good friend, Misty Sutton, "Miss Button".  I mean, how cute is that?  And sweet! I'm sweeeeeet! 

But then I remembered a few more that I gave that weren't...the sweetest:

• A boyfriend in middle school, who had a sternum bone that jutted out a little tiny bit.  I called him Poppy-Chest.   I don't know why he broke up with me.
• My best friend, whose last name was Rathbone.  I called her Rat Bones.  Nothing says I LOVE YOU BFF! like Rat Bones.
• Another great friend of mine with the last name Vargas.  To me, she was lovingly known as Fart Gas.   What??  It was CUTE.  Oh, it wasn't?   What's that? That's why I haven't talked to her since high school? Ohh.
• And then there was my friend Melissa Humphrey.  Melissa.  Hump-For-Free.  Ahem.

Ok, yeah...so I was an ass.  But I blame that totally on my brothers!! 

So, spill it.  Did you have any horrible nicknames?  Did you *gasp* GIVE any horrible nicknames?

Hey, do you remember that one time when I said "I have nothing to blog about! WHAAA!" and then BAM! a drunk driver suddently smashed into my truck?  Yeah, good times.  Well, last night, I said "I have nothing to blog about! WHAAA!" and then BAM! my brother suddenly asked if I wanted to go to a movie.

(Ok, so that didn't really deserve a BAM!, but whatevs, this is my story.)

So!  He said there was a Nine Inch Nails movie playing at a theater and we had to go NOW or they'd sell out.  So BAM! I said ok.

Come to find out, it wasn't really a NIN movie...it was a special pre-screening that Interscope records was putting on for the release of NIN's new live dvd called NIN Live : Beside You In Time. There are only 8 pre-screening dates across the country and Dallas happened to be one of them. And we just happened to find out about it the day of.  And we just happened to get there before they sold out!

It was actually one of the coolest things ever.  The theater was one where they had tables and served food/alcohol.  People were shouting and pumping their fists.  I was rocking my chair so hard that I kept smashing my armrest into the chick next to me (sorry, chick). They played the Blu-Ray disc on the big screen, so it looked, felt, and sounded like we were at a real NIN concert (just with comfy seating and fairly good pizza). 

Of course, I think Bubba was the only male there who didn't have on black eyeliner....and we were both probably the only ones there who are old enough to actually remember the release of Pretty Hate Machine.  But it was awesome. It took me back to 1994, the time when *I* dressed up like an angsty teen and went to see them live in all their sweaty glory. Ahhhh...those were the days.  

If you're a NIN fan, I highly recommend this dvd when it comes out on the 27th.  And if you're not a fan, well....you can't be my friend anymore, so there.

And, I hearby dedicate this video to J, because, BAM! you certainly get me closer to God. ;)

It's been, what? 745 days since my last post?  And I still have nothing fun to report. 

I went to Tulsa for a few days and had a great time with J.  But now I'm back home in COLDASS Texas.  I'm calling and filling out applications and searching, but I'm still without a job. (And therefore quickly running out of money! GAK!)  I'm really funny and bright and stuff...but OH YEAH, I'm really not.

So, I'll just do what I do best.  I'm stealing an idea from another blogger...this time from the lovely Tracey.

A List Of Things I Cannot Do:

• Say the words "hay bale" without GREAT effort (I just tried it outloud...it was 'bay hell' 'hay hale' 'hell bay' and 'bay bell' for about 10 tries)
• Snap my fingers (although I can do this!)
• Pop a balloon (it makes me wanna vomit, ok?)
• Eat oranges (allergic to all citrus...how suckass is that?)
• Resist peeling fingernail polish off (I clear-coated my nails last night...it's already all gone)
• Type the word "celebrate" quickly (watch : cellabe claelbea ceablera ceava cevlevb...see?!)

What easy stuff can't you do?

(And by easy stuff, I don't mean popping a balloon because THAT? That is just dangerous.  It could totally...pop...and stuff.)