We're back from our roadtrip!  We had an amazing time!  We didn't kill each other!

I might kinda sorta like him. 

We stayed on a ranch that ended up being much like a bed and breakfast.  It was fantastic.

Mornings on the porch overlooking the acres if land, drinking coffee, reading the paper...sleeping in late and waking up to the smell of a cooked (free!) breakfast...afternoons playing around the city...evenings spent with our lovely, lovely friend, DISH Network.

Things couldn't have been more perfect.

The Boyfriend and I are leaving on our first roadtrip today!

They say the first real test of a relationship is the first vacation.  I'm tellin' ya.  We haven't even left the house and I'm shocked he's not strangled to death yet.  My hands...they're reaching....so....close....

We'll be back Monday!

At least...I'll be back.  He might not make it quite that long.

I'm insanely, moronically, like Whitney-Houston-and-crack addicted to this show.

ONE MORE DAY, MUTHA FUKAHS!

(woot!)

Good afternoon. Chase's attorney here. I am making my second appearance here at Taste The World to cover some important legal matters.  I appreciate your attention.  (My first appearance can be found here) 

My client, Ms.Chase, has brought to my attention the fact that she is "SO totally over it" with several people and has asked for my assistance in the matter.  Therefore, on behalf of Ms.Chase, I demand each named party to read, understand, and comply with my client's requests.

As for count number 1 (one), my client offers that she is SO totally over Ellen dancing through the audience on her talk show. 

According to my client's recollection, it was "cute" the first few times but soon became "freaking annoying" and "totally gimicky".  My client demands Ellen stop already, and adds an emphatic "SERIOUSLY" to her final statement.

As for count number 2 (two), my client offers that she is SO totally over Maroon 5.  

My client purchased an album titled "Songs About Jane" in 2002 and enjoyed it, but after 5 years of nothing new, has become "so effing bored" with the band and the "girly whine ass" voice of Adam Levine.  (By the way, releasing 2 CDs, one "live" and one "acoustic", rehashing the same songs from the first album and calling them "NEW"?  Not-so-freaking-much.  Legally speaking.)  My client demands you to "shut up" because "too little, too late, buddy."

Finally, as for count number 3 (three), my client offers that she is SO totally over all this rain. 

My client is attempting to complete a job outside and the rain is not helping her receive a paycheck.  According to the forcast (as offered in the evidence below):

,

my client is going to "get totally screwed again" next week.  My client hereby demands "MORE SUNSHINE, DAMMIT!!!"

In closing, I would like to say, on behalf of my client, Ms.Chase, that each named party shall respond to each demand forthwith.  If response is not received in a timely and appropriate manner, we will not hesitate to take this matter to the appropriate authorities. 

And by 'authorities', I mean 'I'll bitch more on the blog because that's all I got, yo.'

Further sayeth naught.

Take a gander at this!! 

I was just doing a random google search for my site and saw I was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger.

I'm SO thrilled!!!

Ok, so yeah, I'm not a mommy...or a mommyblogger...but still.  At the very least, I'm the HOTTEST!

(And 5 other people seem to think so too! Woot!)

*still giggling*

I totally love you, OhTheJoys! Even though you're WAY hotter than I.

If you're wondering, no, I did not get my ass kicked by Bikram Yoga.  Actually, if you know anything about me, you know that I didn't even show up to Bikram Yoga.

HA!  Like I'd follow through on anything.

After I wrote the last post, I remembered how much I hate the heat.  And then I remembered that I live in Oklahoma and, OH YEAH, hate the humidity even more.  I'm painting the outside of a house right now, so working out in the, um, heat and humidity for 8 hours. 

I just didn't think I would enjoy paying to get tortured in a room that already reminded me of how much work sucks. 

I'm just saying.

Tomorrow evening, I'm going with a friend to do some Bikram Yoga.  Basically, they stick you in an oven and tell you to put your feet behind your head.  Or something like that. 

90 minutes of 26 yoga poses.  The room is heated to 105 degrees.  And then they crank up the ol' humidity to, oh, about 50%.  Let me do some calculations, here....

...

...

...that will make the room a balmy...

...

...

14,000 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!

I actually looked up a heat index chart to see about how hot it would be.  You wanna know what it said?  It said RED.  Seriously - it blocked out that space and every space after 45% humidity and warned that a heat stroke was HIGHLY LIKELY and to STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ANYTHING THAT HOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BECAUSE WHO WOULD DO THAT TO THEMSELVES YOU FREAKING MASOCHIST?!...

If you don't see me around for awhile, send a search party to Tulsa.  Tell them to look for a body with one leg wrapped around its upper torso, a water bottle permanently attached to its face, and lying in a puddle of (what we hope is) sweat.

God rest my soul.

Preacher's last words of the Mother's Day service today:

"You can hang around here if you want, but if you hurry and get outta here, you can beat the Methodists to Luby's!"

The Boyfriend pronounces it "NYOO-KYUH-LER" too.

Newk...Neuculer...Nuckoler...Nuke...Nuuucleer...Nuculer?

They say you will know everything you need to know in that first kiss.  (Of course, by 'they,' I really just mean Rachel on a Friends episode I watched last night.  Heh.) Regardless, I tend to believe it's true.

The Boyfriend's and my first kiss was nothing less than spectacular. He came up behind me in the kitchen and put his hands on my arms, and as his face nestled into the curve of my neck, I closed my eyes...

But I won't continue with that because it'll make me all crazy-like, like it always does, and I'll run in the bedroom and wake him up by pouncing on him...and that would just be so very wrong of me...hmmm.  Ahem.

ANYWAY.

My first kiss ever was in 2nd grade.  Chad.  He was this frumpy little freckle-faced boy who I just thought was the cutest little fat kid ever.  I had a crush on him because he was just SO funny.  (Whatever 'funny' is in 2nd grade...the best knock-knock jokes maybe?)

So one day during recess, I saw him walking alone.  I ran up to him full speed...and for some reason, he looked a little scared at this.  I stopped in front of him and he just looked at me.  So I grabbed him and gave him a big ol' smooch.  I shined a big grin at him, proud of my utter sweetness.

Instead of instantly handing me a box of candy hearts like I expected, he bolted.

Not only that, he bolted toward the teacher, who wasn't far away.  I stood and watched as he cried to the teacher and pointed in my direction.  Then I watched as the teacher, hands on hips, came at me, while Chad ran the other way.

Chad: apparently NOT so funny anymore.  The big fat baby.

I got in trouble.  Chad kept on running. 

And, even though we went to the same small school together until we graduated, I don't believe he ever said another word to me.  And I saw him tonight at the store for the first time in about 10 years.  He looked at me and I smiled when I recognized him.  He kept walking.  In the other direction.

Yeah. I think that first kiss should have clued me in. 

Now tell me about your first kiss!

Remember that one post I wrote about not wanting to get married and have kids?  Or, ok ,fine...maybe those 157 posts I wrote about not wanting to get married and have kids? 

Well, sometimes when I'd write those, Liz would chime in and say something like, "oooh, you just wait until you meet the right person!" or "when I was 30, I wasn't thinking of marriage or kids either and look at me now!"

Damn that Liz person.

When I first realized that she might be a little tiny bit right, I bolted my ass to my therapist's office and said, in some sense, "WTF?!!?"  I had big issue with the feelings I was having.  If I didn't even know that I might want a family, what else didn't I know about myself?

Well, let me tell ya...I don't have the time it'd take to write all that down. Either way, I have to admit now that I was wrong.  Wait until I find the right person, indeed. 

I've had many relationships...the levels of seriousness going everywhere from a few dates to 7 years.  And not once did I ever seriously consider marriage, and NEVER did I want kids.  Until now.  You know how people say, "you just KNOW" ?  Yeah...I knew.  And, boy howdy, let me tell you how confused and freaky I got about that fact.

Luckily, the tango dancer is also Mr.Communication, so we can and do talk about everything.  All the time.  In knowing him the last year, he's taught me more about myself than I ever could have imagined. I really don't think I could be luckier.

(That is, until I get him to vote Democrat...then I'll be the luckiest girl in the world!)

So yeah.  You all need a shrine to The Great And Powerful Liz in your living rooms, like I do.  She has some creepy powers, that one.

(edited to add : Hmmm. I just re-read this. I didn't mean to imply I'm ready for kids right now...or that we're even at a place to do so.  Just meant that I can see it now because of who I'm with.)

(Yikes.  I bet the boyfriend is going to hear about this one at work.  Heh.  Sorry, dear.)