This afternoon, I was driving by a school that had just let out and there were kids all over the place. To my left, a group of boys jumping and running around caught my attention. There were about 5 of them - probably around 12- or 13-years-old.
I watched as I crept through traffic and realized they were doing wrestling moves - jumping up in the air and landing down on one elbow on the ground. The way the land was shaped, I couldn't tell what they were landing on. I assumed it was a backpack or something - boys being boys.
Then I realized they were also throwing punches and kicking. Violently. My next thought was that it might be an animal. Of course, I got pissed and tried to see what exactly was on the ground. As I got closer, I saw a foot go up in the air....and I realized they were beating up another kid.
I immediately flipped out and screamed. I couldn't belive 5 boys were ganging up on another little boy. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to honk...or stop...or roll down my window and scream. But I didn't. I couldn't.
I just crept on by with everyone else, watching them kick and punch this kid. I was just in shock. As I passed a turn-around, I thought about pulling in. And then I got scared. This was a not-so-good part of town and...well...I pussed out.
So, I drove by. I FUCKING DROVE ON BY!
The guy driving behind me DID pull in the turn-around, though...and it made the kids scatter. I watched in my mirror as the other kids left and the beat-up kid stood up and walked off.
And it was a little girl.
As shitty as I felt and as heavy as my heart was already knowing that I wasn't brave enough to save a little boy....I almost died when I saw that I'd driven by a girl who was getting the piss beat out of her by 5 boys.
I lost it and started bawling.
Why couldn't I stop? Why couldn't I have at least honked my horn or SOMETHING? Anything?!
I cried all the way home, knowing that just purposefully passed up this poor little girl who needed help. I can NOT believe myself. I see it in slow motion - I see those boys' vile faces. I see the one boy who kicked her so hard, his shoe flew off. I see her standing up, readjusting her pink backpack, and stumbling away.
This is really killing me. I wish I would have done something. And I don't know why I didn't....besides being scared of those kids. And I hate myself for that. I just can't believe that was my reaction. Rather, my NON-reaction.
I feel like I was tested today in human decency. And I feel like I failed miserably.
I just can't stop crying for that girl. And for that whole line of cars that just disgustingly watched as she got beat up.
I think my engagement ring came with a curse. That whosoever shall possess it will transform into a crazed version of Martha Stewart...but with a way cuter haircut. Because, people? I'm turning into that girl.
As you know, I've been designing our wedding invitations. So far, I've made them three times. I think I'm almost there, so it's ok. I'm ok. Not going crazy or anything.
Well, it's just gone downhill from there.
One day, I decided I needed to learn how to embroider. (Though Doahleigh was partly to blame for that one.) So I bought some fabric and thread and needles and a hoop....and I made a star. Ok, well, I made half a star. And it's NOT GOOD. But I am sewing. HA!!!
Then I decided I needed to learn how to decorate cupcakes. Again, not so good. But fun! And creative! And fattening! We also made 2 kinds of cheesecake lollipops. And gave them to the neighbors.
I've begun a collection of stuff for decorating. Look...it even has its own shelf (decorating tips are elsewhere...but I have a few!):
Then I decided, HEY!, I can learn how to make gumpaste stuff! So now I have a drawer full of crap that I have no idea how to use. Premade gumpaste. Cutters. Flower tools. A foam thing I'm only partly sure of what to even do with it. None of this stuff has been used, as I just got it yesterday:
THEN!! Then I decided I HAD TO start scrapbooking. (Yes, I decide these things quickly.) So I bought tons of paper, stickers, embellishments, scissors, etc....and organizers. My work space:
And inside the drawer:
Is that all, you ask? Well, NO. Duh. If I'm going to get into something without considering if I'm going to like it or not, then I have to spend more money than THAT. What do I look like, an novice?!
No. I have all kinds of crap:
Three types of glues, stamps, ink, embossing stuff, hole punches, paint pens, stencils....
So far, though? TOTALLY ADDICTED. Not to just buying the stuff. I can barely keep myself out of the crafting room enough to say hello to Tango. I mean...how FUN is this??
A few scrapbook pages so far:
Look out, Martha. I'm a'comin'. And my hair is mighty cute these days.
Post Secret never fails to move me. I laugh at some postcards. I get highly creeped out by others. Often, I cry.
When I read the first book, I stopped reading to cry at several of the cards. The one that sticks out most in my mind is one of a woman who put out poison to kill some rats and her dog ate it instead - the card was her apologizing to her dog, who she obviously adored. It broke my heart into a thousand pieces and I sat and cried for her...and with her.
My favorite card of all time is actually the first one in the video below. "Everyone who knew me before 9/11 believes I'm dead."
It moves me in so many directions, I can't even explain how it makes me feel. It's beautiful. It's tragic. It's heartbreaking. It's maddening. It's familiar.
I've sent 3 of my own cards to Post Secret - cards that I think of now and make me feel all those things. How tragic of a secret that was...and how beautiful it felt to set it free. Sending those cards was very theraputic for me. You should set one of your secrets free...you won't believe how it feels handing that card over to the world.
Today, Frank posted a video this week and I wanted to share it here. I cried. Of course.
Post Secret updates every Sunday. Bookmark it. Bloglines it. Something. Just make sure to go back next week when there will be more postcards. Breathe each one in. Let them move you.
*ETA : If you're using bloglines, click through to watch the video. It's worth it. :)
I've been told my link doesn't work for some people. (And therefore someone else is winning with a puny 7 votes!) You can go to the WhoGets main page and click on "Final Contests". The one I'm in is on the 3rd page and is for the Casino Royale DVD.
Have you guys heard of WhoGets.com? Well, you need to!
Honestly? The main reason I tell you about this? Because I'm a finalist in one of their contests and I need your vote! Pleeeeeeeeease.
(My name on there is TangoWedding, btw. Because you never would have guessed THAT.)
(And yes, I'm rolling my eyes at myself right now, too.)
Ok, so it's just for a DVD, but it's a GOOOOD DVD (Casino Royale) and I may have mentioned seeing Daniel Craig in a speedo as my reason for wanting to win. Oops.
You DO have to sign up to vote. But here are reasons you should sign up and vote for me:
Because I said "Pleeeeeeeeeeeease" up there all convincing-like.
Because it takes NO time to sign up.
Because they really DON'T spam you.
Because you can enter and win stuff too.
Because I'll vote for YOU when you're in final contests.
Because winning this will help me explain to Mr.Tango why I was looking at Daniel Craig's tight swimsuit when I should have been looking at, say, a pile of dirt or something less perv-tastic.
So please vote for me? I'll never ask you for another favor EVER. (Unless I'm a finalist again sometime in the future....)
