We all agreed that we probably shouldn't sell this card in the pharmacy anymore. I'll give you one guess as to why...
Even better? The inside of the card says, "Miss you!"
...
We all agreed that we probably shouldn't sell this card in the pharmacy anymore. I'll give you one guess as to why...
Even better? The inside of the card says, "Miss you!"
...
People, if you're not watching Midwest Teen Sex Show podcasts, um, YOU SHOULD START. Because this? This is brilliant. And it makes me very, very happy.
(Thank you, Chilihead!)
*ETA : I had to remove the videos...they were jacking up my sidebar. Just click the link, yo.
Totally obsessed.
In case you're still upset or confused or bummed about the Sopranos finale, I post this for you. (And this one's for you, especially, Jenny):
How a series finale is SUPPOSED to end:
(From HBO's Six Feet Under)
I'm insanely, moronically, like Whitney-Houston-and-crack addicted to this show.
ONE MORE DAY, MUTHA FUKAHS!
(woot!)
Daughter : You know, I kinda want to see the movie 300.
Father : You don't want to see that! That's nothing but gratuitous violence. It's nothing but a bloodbath. I don't know who would go see that. I wouldn't go see that.
Daughter : I don't know, dad, I hear it's actually pretty good.
Father : You shouldn't go see movies like that. You should want to see more intellectual films. You know what you should see? You should go see Wild Hogs.
Daughter : Wild Hogs?!
Father : What? There aren't real hogs in it. It's like BAM! And the guy hits the sign. Now that's funny.
I wish:
Hey, Mr. Macy!
William. Willy. Will-o.
I'm just writing this to say hi. And to say you're waaaaay up there on my list of freaking cool actor-type-guys. Magnolia? Brilliant. Boogie Nights? Amazing. State and Main? Love it. And do I even have to mention Fargo?
In short, I love you. No, really. I think you're fantastic.
So, with that, I also have to ask...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!??!
Wild Hogs? A movie called Wild Hogs!? And, sadly, the title looks like the BEST part of the movie. Your co-stars are John Travolta, Martain Lawrence, and (oh.my.god.) Tim Allen. Uuuuuhhm. NO!
As a fan, I have to say you're way too smart to do movies like this. Please, for the love of braincells all over the world, stop it.
That is all.
Love, Chase
p.s. Quick. Someone get P.T. Anderson on the horn and tell him to give Mr.Macy some real work!
Hey, do you remember that one time when I said "I have nothing to blog about! WHAAA!" and then BAM! a drunk driver suddently smashed into my truck? Yeah, good times. Well, last night, I said "I have nothing to blog about! WHAAA!" and then BAM! my brother suddenly asked if I wanted to go to a movie.
(Ok, so that didn't really deserve a BAM!, but whatevs, this is my story.)
So! He said there was a Nine Inch Nails movie playing at a theater and we had to go NOW or they'd sell out. So BAM! I said ok.
Come to find out, it wasn't really a NIN movie...it was a special pre-screening that Interscope records was putting on for the release of NIN's new live dvd called NIN Live : Beside You In Time. There are only 8 pre-screening dates across the country and Dallas happened to be one of them. And we just happened to find out about it the day of. And we just happened to get there before they sold out!
It was actually one of the coolest things ever. The theater was one where they had tables and served food/alcohol. People were shouting and pumping their fists. I was rocking my chair so hard that I kept smashing my armrest into the chick next to me (sorry, chick). They played the Blu-Ray disc on the big screen, so it looked, felt, and sounded like we were at a real NIN concert (just with comfy seating and fairly good pizza).
Of course, I think Bubba was the only male there who didn't have on black eyeliner....and we were both probably the only ones there who are old enough to actually remember the release of Pretty Hate Machine. But it was awesome. It took me back to 1994, the time when *I* dressed up like an angsty teen and went to see them live in all their sweaty glory. Ahhhh...those were the days.
If you're a NIN fan, I highly recommend this dvd when it comes out on the 27th. And if you're not a fan, well....you can't be my friend anymore, so there.
And, I hearby dedicate this video to J, because, BAM! you certainly get me closer to God. ;)
Please tell me I'm not the only teen who had a blasty blast doing this to their nephews/little brothers:
(Meet my nephew, Blake. He's 22 now. If he ever sees this, I doubt they will ever recover my mutilated body.)
To my horror, I saw today that the fashionistas in Milan not only convinced women they can wear leggings again (well, hello again, Molly Ringwald!), but they also have now told the men it's ok.
Leggings. Men. Gak.
While I'm all for furthering our trends toward those in the COOL places (lord knows people need some fashion sense around these parts), I'm going to have to put my foot down and say NO to what could possibly be heading our way. I mean, come on.
My grandpa used to wear this outfit to bed. This is fashion? (And, p.s., bulge much?)
Sorry, sweetheart, you may NOT wear something that could possibly be described as "floofy". And your purse cannot be bigger than mine. And, oh yeah, two purses? No.
Um. Honey? Wear this and I'll choke you with that Bedazzler.
Oh, hi! I'm a big tampon! NO.
The designer showing us the number of guys modeling these clothes that still have their penis intact.
I have no idea how to embed videos on Movable Type. So here.
Go watch the woodspiders.
(thanks Chilihead!)
**UPDATE**
All of them have been correctly identified!! Congrats, people - welcome to Loserville with me! Updated with the answers.
After having a recent dream about Cher and Suebob (don't ask), I realized that I know more about you bloggy people's day-to-day lives than I do most of my "real life" friends. After realizing that, I realized that's just nuts. After realizing that, I realized that I had to pee, so I went pee, then I realized that I bet I'm not the only one who knows the doings of each and every freaking human on the blogosphere.
So I thought we'd play a game to see who else spends WAY too much time on here. I'll give you the answers...you give me the question (no Googling!). The one who gets the most wins...uhm....nothing. But you'll probably get a little pity because you're as big of a loser as I am. And that just sucks for you.
Let's play Jeopardy!!
1) This mega blogger has a husband who loathes pickles but recently ate one to help benefit Multiple Sclerosis. Oh, and he might have done a 26 mile marathon thing for it, too. ANSWER
2) This lady is currently travelling the world on her extended honeymoon. I don't know for sure how many countries they've been in now, but I'd put money that they've been rockclimbing in each one! ANSWER
3) This funny blogger dude has webbed toes (for reals!), recently got vomited on by his little girl (for gross!), and is married to Hot Wife. ANSWER
4) This dog (yes, I want the name of the dog) is infamous for being able to balance useless crap on his head. He's actually so famous now, he has his own calendar spread. Egads! ANSWER
5) This beautiful blogger is neighbors with Cinderella! (The band, not the step-sister.) ANSWER
6) This blogger of all bloggers is totally obsessed with Elizabeth Hurley. Enough said. ANSWER
7) Owner of a beagle (and therefore an instant love of mine), this red-head blogger just recently moved to Chicago to start anew. She also takes some of the most beautiful photographs ever. ANSWER
8) Funny lady, feminist, university instructor, Canadian, mother to Wonderbaby, best hair at Blogher '06. ANSWER
9) This hot biotch blogger is uber busy planning her wedding right now. And, she recently went to a party where she got to hang out with Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra. And she got pics of them together. And that's why I hate her. ANSWER
10) This blogger is apparently allergic to walnuts. Did you see the size of her head?! Yuck. ANSWER
11) This teeny sprite of a blogger (a writer, a lovely writer) is finally PREGNANT! And the whole of the blogosphere is thrilled for her. She's a Florida transplant and was one of my smoking buddies at Blogher (I mean...what? Smoking? NO, I don't smoke. Sheesh.) ANSWER
12) This Chicago-based tv junkie (and I mean he's got it bad, people!) just started a new job. He also recently got majorly hit on by the deli counter chick, who kept giving him free samples. If it weren't for his wifey, I bet he would have jumped on that, because, really, who can say no to free meat? ANSWER
13) This literacy coach (don't ask) blogger has a taste for coffee! She also has a taste for booty-smackin' and face-lickin'...but that's another story. She also went to game 4 of the World Series. Sweet!! ANSWER
14) This rambling LA-based author-slash-blogger recently had a run-in with a homeless man wanting a hug. For some reason, he didn't give it up. The rude bastard. He also sent me an autographed copy of his book. (Hint: It's about blogs!) So there. ANSWER
15) PICTURE DAILY DOUBLE!
Name all four of these gorgeous women (by name or by blog):
ANSWER, ANSWER, ANSWER, ANSWER
Continue reading "This!! Is!! Jeopardy!!" »Too bad these people can't say the same thing...
WTF? Why??
(keep reading to find more regretful the-next-mornings)
Continue reading "I Try To Live Life With No Regret" »I'm not very good with celebrity - I never have been. I don't know what it is, but anytime I get around someone who may be even just the least bit famous, I tend to spaz. This became abundantly clear to me on my first trip to Hollywood. I was driving from the airport to the hotel when I drove by a group of people with cameras and stuff. I slowed down enough to be an annoying tourist when I saw him - Samuel L. Jackson. He was getting his star on Hollywood Blvd.
Needless to say, I screamed and scared my passenger, slammed on the brakes and scared everyone around me, and then drooled & panted all the way to the hotel because I. JUST. TOTALLY. SAW. A. REAL. LIFE. MOVIE. STAR. OMFGWTFROFLMFAOWOOT!!!!!!
Of course, you'd think now that I'm in my 30s, I'd have grown as a human and just realized that people are people. Mmmmyeah. You'd think wrong.
Since then, it's actually gotten worse. My star-struckedness (yes, it's a word) has grown from "that's totally that guy that was in that movie!!" to "holy crap, she totally does the weather on channel 6 when the normal guy is sick!!!!!!" I even showed off my jackassedness ('tis a word, too) at BlogHer when I almost sat on Amalah's lap in the airport shuttle and then took all 3 days to introduce myself to Sweetney because OMG I SO TOTALLY LOVE HER WHAT IF SHE LOOKS AT ME?!
So it's no surprise that, today, when I was standing in line to meet David Sedaris, my heart was racing and all I could say was "oh my god what do I say to DAVID SEDARIS?!?!" and "what the hell does one say when one meets one's hero?!?" and "LOOK HOW CUTE AND TINY HE IS!!!!!!!!!!"
Shellie rolled her eyes and told me to "FREAKING.RELAX" more than once.
We were 3 people away from him when the urge to hug him hit me. He's so itty...and so cute...and asked his fans the most adorable, sweet, profound, unique questions ever ('how many kids do you have?'...'are you guys married?'...'how do you spell Adrienne?').
I grabbed Shellie's arm and squealed "I WANT TO HUG HIM!!!!!!!" and she shooshed me because we were STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND HE MIGHT HEAR YOU AND YOU BETTER NOT MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL. And I didn't. I behaved. I asked him something mundane that I've since forgotten because I was busy watching him sign my copy of Holidays on Ice. He even drew a picture in my book, saying in his SantaLand elf-like voice, "it's a Christmas tree...on a barstool...I'm gonna talk about that tonight."
He did. And when he did, I punched Shellie in the leg hard enough for her to look at me like "wtf are you doing, psycho!?" because I GOT IT. Sedaris and I had a connection, man. He drew a Christmas tree with a barstool just for me and then he talked about it. Just like he said he would.
Because, Sedaris and I? Me and Ol' Dave? We're tight like that. And, ya know, I could tell by that look in his eyes as he was signing my book that he wanted to hug me as badly as I wanted him to. But we both knew all the spazzy fans out there would get all jealous-like and want a hug too and then I'd have to protect my new BFF and then security would need to be called and then the show would be delayed and it'd be a great big mess.
And we wouldn't have wanted that.
The show was amazing. And I laughed so hard I cried. And he said us Tulsans were sick because we laughed at all the wrong places in his 'working in a mortuary' story. And, really? You just can't get much better than that.
(Unless, of course, you have a copy of Holidays on Ice, signed by my pal, Big D, with a hand-drawn picture of a Christmas tree and a barstool.)
(Hi, David Sedaris, I love you. Call me.)
Because I just got my first 'because you're a blogger' FREE THING!
[insert applause here]
I've been wiping away silent tears for quite awhile now about all the bloggers who get to sample free crap (dish soap, yogurt, etc) simply because of their blogger status. That's right - I cry myself to sleep over the lack of free junk.
Because I'm petty like that.
(Tom Petty...Peppermint Petty...Petticoat Petty...)
(Will & Grace anyone? No? Ok. Nevermind.)
But you know what? I'M the winner this week. And I think I'm a bigger winner.
No.
No, no. I'm the BIGGEST winner!
Because I didn't get soap or food. I got a DVD set! A-HA! And not only THAT, my pretties, but I got The Greatest American Hero DVD set! FOR FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I LOVED that show when I was little!
(oh, how I can hear Karl getting all jealous-like!)
I got an email last week from someone at M80 Marketing saying they read my blog and since I've talked about 80s culture, he thought I'd like to review The Greatest American Hero.
Would I?? Um....GIMME!GIMME!GIMME!
So I wept. And emailed him back. And he emailed me back. And I emailed him back. And I'm gonna make out with him because he's totally for real sending me free stuff.
Because I have a blog.
How effing great is that??
And now? Now you may touch me. Because I got free stuff, too.
For free. A DVD. For...um...free.
Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. I never thought I could feel so freee-heee-heeeeeee!
(Free)
Because I can still totally enjoy things like the Tickle Me Elmo TMX. If you're a parent, chances are you already HATE this little devil toy. But me? I still think it's the funniest, cutest thing ever! (Though the beagle in that video doesn't seem to think so...)
I actually kinda want one so I can tickle him over and over. And then turn him right off when I get annoyed.
My parent readers, if you guys get one of these and then all-too-quickly want to place it under your car tire, please send it my way instead. I'll love him.
I guess I can see how it'd be mind-numbing after awhile, though. Hell, it looks like Elmo himself can't even take it anymore.
Remember when I told the Oklahoma lotto winners that they needed to cheer the fuck up because, helllloooo, you just won the freaking lottery? And then I showed them how to work it?
Well, apparently people read that post and paid attention because winners seem to be getting much better these days! I should totally be a life coach!
I mean, look, they're practically jumping for joy!
BEHOLD THE MOUNTING EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!
(why you make me hold dis big check lady?)
(hey, you...you got a little girl for me to feel up?)
(ma, why that guy keep'a sayin' cheese?)
(derrrrrrrr....huh? *drool*)
(touch mah check and i'll mount ya like a 6-point buck)
(ay ay ay, i theenk i crap-o en mis pantalones)
Benji won 'So You Think You Can Dance'.
That means my Travis lost.
And this makes me sad.
I think Shakespeare said it best when he offered this perfect end to the tragedy:
A glooming peace Fox TV with it brings;
Cat Deeley, for sorrow, will not show her head:
Go hence, to write much blogs about these things;
Some shall be Celine Dion's, and some banished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Chase, the big dance ho.
I love thee, Travis!
Curtain.
First let me apologize to my wonderful dance partner, J, in case you ever read this. I'm about to divulge some personal information you shared with me tonight. You know...that thing that I said "I'm telling all my internet pals that" and you laughed because you thought I was kidding?
Yeah. I totally wasn't.
My dance partner and I have a great chemistry together - we can read each other's moves pretty well, and, shucks (I say, patting myself on the back), we're just damn good. So we started taking the couples classes together so we could dance just with each other through the whole thing. However, before we were official partners, we took the singles classes, where you switch dance partners every few minutes.
One of the boys in my first swing class, who I'll call Mark, always had a little problem. Make that an...um...BIG...problem. And that problem always was touching my leg. I started calling him Boner Boy to anyone who would listen.
But, really, all I could do was laugh. I felt bad for the kid. Mark was certainly that kind of guy who wouldn't normally be arm-in-arm with a girl, unless she was choking in a restaurant, so I tried to overlook his...leg-poking contraption. At least I got to switch partners every few minutes where he would share his joy with the other girls.
Well, tonight in tango class, we learned a couple of moves that are just plain ol' EFFING HOT. One where I lean into my partner and run my leg up his...and then one where we do a spin, connected at the hip.
(insert Sesame Street music here) SEX + EEEEE = SEXY
As J and I were dancing so close, all I could think about was Boner Boy and how GLAD I was that he wasn't in the tango class. So, of course, I kept giggling like a retard. Thing was...J kept giggling too, but wouldn't tell me why.
I couldn't wait to tell him about Boner Boy (who he knew, but didn't know him as pokily as I did). After class, J said, "Ok...now's probably a good time to tell you...sometimes I have sorta a....blood flow problem."
I was confused. (Not too surprising, is it?) So I just said, "umm....ok"
He looked at me with big eyes and said, "...sometimes it flows the wrong direction..." motioning down with his eyes. "So...um...I'm just warning you....just in case...."
I lost it.
I laughed at him. A lot. After his sincere attempt to explain a possible future physical malfunction, I laugh in his face. Like the good friend I am.
Then I told him about Boner Boy and my good nature in thinking a little wood can be a laugh riot, and he felt a little better. He laughed with me. Not that all the blood wasn't at that moment in his bright red face...but he laughed.
Of course, I can't guarantee he didn't cry when he got into his car.
Sorry, J. Sorry if my bone-giggling made you cry.
But, damn that shit is funny.
I'm in love again. Head over freakin' heels.
By now, you guys know my obsession with dance. I started taking East Coast Swing lessons a few months ago. Loved it! It's such a fun dance to do. Goofball and fast-moving, kinda perfect, no? The studio I go to didn't have enough people to fill the next class, so we stopped after Swing II. I'm sad about this.
But, it's ok. By then, I'd also started Salsa dancing. Loved it even more!! It's a lively little dance and sexy all at the same time. It has great spins, which I'm still working on perfecting. I'm still taking lessons in that dance - we just finished up Salsa II and the first Salsa III class starts tonight. YAY!
But last night? Oooooh, last night, baby. Last night was my first TANGO class. Even with just one class under my dance skirt belt, I already know I'm in love with it. It's dramatic, and intense, and beautiful, and so very sexy. I really wish I was doing lessons every night.
I'm swooning over here. Can you see the swoon pouring from me?
Yeah, don't step in that.
--------------------
In other news, I have a new renter this week. It's Laci from the very appropriately named Long, Slow, Beautiful Dance. But that's not just why I picked her...she's funny and bitchy and has the coolest template! (And I'm not just saying that because the girl looks like Maggie Gyllenhaal, even though she does, and I totally LOVE Maggie Gyllenhaal).
Laci cusses and yells and bitches at her neighbors for blasting fireworks all night, but you know what? She has a heart of gold because right now she's trying to raise money for special needs kids. So go at least say hi to the angel, why don't ya?
I. Am. So. Excited!!!
Deb and I got all our travel plans for BlogHer in line today. I arrive in San Jose for the conference a day early - Thursday at noon. Don't really know what I'm doing all that day - probably sitting at the bar drinking mojitos and crying uncontrollably anytime I recognize a blogger. Lord help me.
And Lord help all of you. Seriously.
Then, dumbass Deb arrives Friday night. And then there's some conference or something. But we don't care about that part. What we DO care about is that we're staying an extra day. And then? On Sunday? Guess what we're doing?
HELL YEAH!
We're going to drive our happy asses to San Francisco and play around the city all day! YAY!
And, of course, when I say "play around the city all day," I mean we're going to drive around and try to find a place to park so we can ask directions to any touristy things because we haven't been there before. We won't find anything AT ALL because everyone will spit on us because I'm from Oklahoma and she's from *cough* Los Angeles, so we'll find a local pub and order a LOT of liquor. Then, once we get lost and wander into the wrong part of the city, we'll get mugged by some guy in a trenchcoat, and we'll cry a lot and try to find our way back to our car. Then, when we get to the car, we'll realize we're both too drunk to drive anywhere, so we'll stand on the corner and panhandle for spare change so we can go to the Starbucks down the street, buy a Carmel Frapaccino, and photoblog about our misadventures, where we'll title it something like "SAN FRANCISCO FREAKING RULES WITH MY BFF AND OH YEAH P.S. WE'RE STILL DRUNK!!!!!"
I can't wait, yo.
T minus 23 days....and counting.
From the new BBQ place up the street from my house.
Heh. Hah. Hehe. Hehehah! Hehe. Heh. Heh. Hooo.
*snort*
...for I'm about to sin, biotch!
We're leaving for Vegas at 6am. I'll already be on the plane by the time most of you read this, so BON VOYAGEY, YO!!
The next time you hear from me, it may be me in a drunken stupor, posting from our Mandalay Bay hotel room. Or, it could be me posting from the computer in jail asking if I can borrow money for bail. Then again, it could be me with my trashy new wife, Britney Spears, in another whirlwind marriage that will last about 47 seconds. Or maybe, just maybe, it will be me in the penthouse of Caesar's Palace with my new bestest friend, J-Lo, because she saw me dancing at Rum Jungle and HAD to bring us back to her room so we could meet her posse, because who wouldn't want to meet some red-haired chicky from Oklahoma who can shake her booty like nobody's business (and might I add, J-Lo is a little jealous of my earth-shattering ass) and who just won $56,201,482 on the progressive slots?
Most likely, though, it'll be me a little hungover and on my way out the door to breakfast where I'll shovel down as many lukewarm $2.95 scrambled eggs and hashbrowns as my stomach will allow.
But, hey, it's Vegas, baby. The J-Lo thing COULD happen.
See y'all in Sin City.
Seacrest Chase out.
I feel like a genius when I answer a Jeopardy! question that none of the other contestants know.
Yes, even despite the embarrassing fact that the answer was "Isaac Mizrahi" and I knew it so quickly, I had time to say it out loud 5 times before time ran out.
When I was growing up, I spent most of my time either locked away in my room with my nose in a book (or if I didn't have one of those, my big ol' dictionary), sitting outside playing with bugs, or, when forced, going out for sports that I was HORRIBLE at. The sports obviously weren't my idea - more of a "oh my god, this girl is going to grow up and murder someone if she keeps this up" reaction from my parents. So they put me in anything that would get me out of the house and I hated it.
They got one thing right, though - they enrolled me in dance class. I LOVED it. I took tap lessons for about five years...and then jazz for one. I only stopped dancing when my teacher moved out of town. And, since we lived in a small town, there were no others around. So I reluctantly went back to testing out all the other sports, all of which made my coaches and parents cringe.
I always wanted to start dance again and, if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know I recently did. I finished East Coast Swing 1, am 3/4 done with East Coast Swing 2, and did an all-day workshop this weekend. LOVING every minute of it. Next month, I'm continuing with the next East Coast Swing class and am starting Salsa and perhaps even West Coast Swing.
Could I say I love it anymore than I already have?
So, it's no wonder anything dance-related has always curled my toes. I saw STOMP live and about leapt onto the stage to hump the dancers' legs. Any musical I see and there's a dance routine, I get all ooky and squirm in my seat, wanting to be up there dancing around like a fairy with 'em. Anyone wearing tap shoes for any reason? Come. To. Momma.
I about tinkled on myself when I heard about FOX's So You Think You Can Dance, and I watched every episode on the floor in front of the tv like a child on Saturday mornings. I had the DVR remote ready to rewind in case I missed any step. I yelled and cheered and danced along (not very well, of course) and (she embarrassingly admits) called in for my favorites every week. And, DUH, I predicted the winner long before the end.
I just heard the second season starts on Thursday 8/7c! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
I think I need to go change my undies now...
From religion to cooter talk, we have it all here on Taste The World. Pulitzer, here I come.
I'm watching Jay Leno right now and Teri Hatcher is on. She's just spilling it - and making me gasp. And I don't gasp at much. So I had to share.
She's talking about catalogue shopping and mentions she finds one called "Time For Me" or "Just For Me" or something. While flipping through the pages, she finds a machine, called the Kegelmaster 2000 that they claim is a vagina exerciser. So, of course, she admits to buying a few. ("So I bought five of them!")
Jay Leno : So, um, can you lift more than you used to...or....?
Teri Hatcher : I now have a very strong kitty cat.
Jay Leno : (!!!!!!)
Teri Hatcher : All the other 'desperate housewives' are married and stuff, but, like, when I get a boyfriend, he's gonna hit the jackpot!
I don't think the interview could have gone any better, personally. I'm sure her P.R. people are going to be working overtime with this one.
(I'm posting as Chase right now...more histoblogger in the morning)
I was the first to report on Matthew McConaughey's brother naming his child Miller Lyte (and still get a huge number of people searching for this), so let me now turn to Paula Abdul. She is on Jay Leno right now, attempting to quash the rumors that she has a drinking problem. As someone who hasn't watched American Idol since Ruben Studdard won (and then crashed/burned), I don't know why people say that she's a drunk...I just heard the rumor.
Obviously, she's telling the truth. I'm looking at her right now. She's not slurring, stumbling or vomiting on Jay's desk. However, she is also just as obviously TOTALLY. STRUNG. OUT. ON. PILLS. She called him "Conan" twice. At first I thought it was on purpose...but I dunno. Her speech is slow. Her eyes are squinty. She's all but popping the meds on air. (And might I also add her boobs are all but popping out onto her lap?)
She's not a drunk, people. Give her a little credit. She's just a popper!
**this just in**
I also heard Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay's Chris Martin have named their new baby "Moses." I thought I'd extend that to the masses. You're welcome. I offer nothing but the most important news.
They say they like having unusual names in their family. Honestly? I think she just wanted to be the only mother in the universe to be able to say "Apple, stop picking Moses' nose." (or) "No, Apple, you can't feed a rock to Moses." (or) "Moses, get Apple's training bra out of the freezer."
Shellie (breating heavily) : I'm weezy.
Me : And I'm George Jefferson.
Shellie : Huh?
Me : You said you were weezy...I said I was George Jefferson. You know. The Jeffersons? He called his wife weezy? You KNOW...(singing) mooovin on uu-up!
Shellie (shrugging) : Oh. I thought you were talking about the Jeffersons. You know, from the cartoon.
Me : The Jetsons?
Shellie : Oh.
Me : Her name was Jane.
Shellie (singing) : Their son Leroy!
Me : Elroy. Boy, you DO suck.
Shellie : Whatever.
Last night I went to a concert. I've never felt more old or dorky in my life.
Now, I used to be a wild concert girl. I quit my job and went on tour across the country with a band once, even (but that's another series of blogs altogether), so I'm no stranger to the scene. But last night was just...different. I've become that lady.
It was my favorite band, Blue October. The radio station and their label did a free all-ages show, and though I can't stand that crowd, they rarely play near me, so I go any chance I can. Since it was all-ages, since we're on spring break right now and since they've been playing their new single on the radio lately, I knew the crowd would be massive. So a friend and I got there 2 hours before doors opened and stood, with an assload of 12-year-olds in the 40-degree weather (remember how I said we got 3 inches of snow yesterday? Yeah). Friend and I laughed the whole time because we, both in our early 30s, were probably the only ones old enough to be out past curfew. The kids were loud and annoying and it was all we could do not to flee the scene. A girl behind us called us "ladies." Lady. Yeah, if you only knew, youngster.
Once our nuts were officially frozen off, we got inside and headed straight for the bar. I guess I don't have to mention there was hardly anyone in there, what, with the only legal-aged people in the place being creepy roadies or pissed off security guys.
I reveled at how I used to be those kids - and wimpered to myself at the same thought. Was I really that damn obnoxious?! Did I actually wear clothes that looked like that? Hell yeah I did - but I sure felt cooler than they looked. At one point between the opener and the headliner, the dj got up and said "Jesse Hill, please go to the front. Your parents are here for you." WOOOOOOOOBOY! Somebody got grounded! We experienced great joy at poor Jesse's expense.
As I was standing in the bathroom line, I watched as a drunk girl showed her boobs to a couple of guys and then demonstrated her deep-throating abilities with two beer bottles at once. Wow. Impressive. I later saw that same girl dirty dancing with three other guys all at once. Then I saw that she brought her son. Mmmhmmm. Mommy Of The Universe right there in front of me.
I enjoyed the band of course, minus the people throwing bottles and random clothes, and the people crowd-surfing and attempting to start a mosh pit. I came home before the encore smelling like smoke and tired from the jumping around (I do still jump...I'm not that old). I also came home with a notepad full of observations from the night. Yes, I took notes at a rock concert.
So yeah, I like my music. I even like good music. I'm hip, I'm hot, I'm rockin. But I'm also, apparently, a big fat nerd.
Rock out with your cock notebook out.
I usually don't do memes, but was tagged by Tricia over at Tricia's Musings. She's been pimping me out a lot lately, so I thought I'd share the love. Hi, Tricia! Besides, not only am I answering the tag, I get to spread the word on some of my favorite artists. Check 'em out. If you don't know them now, you soon will. So says me.
This meme is fairly simple : list 7 songs you're into right now. Old, new, whatever...just whatever is ticklin' your picklin' at the moment:
She Wants Revenge - These Things
Blue October - X Amount of Words
Hero Factor - Rooftop
Wideawake - Not So Far Away
Radiant - Way You Make Me Feel
The Cure - Why Can't I Be You
Ministry - N.W.O.
What are you listening to right now? I don't wanna tag anyone specifically, but if you put it in your blog, let me know. If you don't do the meme thing, just comment here. What's your 7?
I just got home from seeing V For Vendetta and am ready to watch it again.
I'm not a movie critic. I can't say anything intelligent about cinematic hooplah or describe the thematic thingamajig. But I can say this movie was plain ol' fan-fucking-tastic.
It's about government and oppression and media and how the sheep just follow along. It's about losing civil rights and revolution and civilians taking back the country. The tagline is "People should not fear their government - government should fear their people." I can't imagine anyone seeing this film and not thinking about our present government (democrats and republicans alike).
My favorite line in the movie is when the government-run news station was about to report their own explanation of what terrorists had done and a woman behind the scenes said, "the people are never going to buy this." A man with a clipboard said, "Why wouldn't they? We're BNC news, we don't lie about what happens - it's the government who does that." The movie talks about how the government runs the country with the power of fear. This idea is the reason I ranted about the news (and tv in general) the other day - it's all about drama and fear and bullshit.
I'm certainly NOT a political person. I don't hold up protest signs. I try not to bring politics into my blog. Honestly, I couldn't win a political argument if my life depended on it. But I certainly cheer when people say it like it really is. I highly suggest this movie. It's great. And, besides, my girl Natalie Portman (#1 on my laminated list!) shaves her head and kicks ass. Yessir.
Remember, remember the 5th of November.
QUESTION : What do all these things have in common? The answer is below. Don't cheat.
Eh? Any idea? No, it's not what I had for breakfast.
ANSWER : Things that came out of my keyboard when I cleaned it today. Seriously, dude. It was that disgusting.
Without the orange poofy hat. And the orange suit. And, oh yeah, that hideous, pile-of-rocks-in-the-gutter necklace. Ok, so don't call me Cindy Adams. But I'm workin' the entertainment gossip today (which I really try SO hard not to do).
First of all, am I the only one utterly thrilled with the new HBO series, Big Love? While I can't necessarily say I'm a huge fan of Bill Paxton, the wives (Jeanne Tripplehorn, Chloë Sevigny and Ginnifer Goodwin) are all on my list of people I say "oooh, I love her!" The series is about a polygamist family trying to keep their lives intact but out of the public eye. HBO is known for their brilliant series (Six Feet Under is my all-time favorite), so I'm excited to see where they go with this one. The series starts this Sunday 10ET/PT.
If you caught SNL this past weekend, you couldn't have missed this fine piece of work. In my opinion, Natalie Portman is the sweetheart of Hollywood (I have no problem admitting I have a crush on the lady), and this video just proves it, yo.
Last night, Matthew McConaughey was on Conan. In the interview, he started talking about his brother, Rooster. Yeah, Rooster. Apparently, Rooster's wife just had a baby boy. Guess what they named him? No...just guess. Yep - Miller Lyte McConaughey. MILLER LYTE. I kept listening, hoping he was kidding, but the more I heard, the more I thought he was serious. He said, "I guess since they spelled it L-Y-T-E, it's ok." Errrrr, yeah. Of course, dude is from Texas - that certainly explains a lot. Yee-haw.
Lastly, as of yesterday, Project Runway is over. The only show on tv that I watch (until Big Love starts!) is gone already. And I'm kinda disappointed in the results. I loved Daniel, but Chloe won. Of course, if you're like most people with a brain, you have no clue what I just said or why I said it. You feel a little confused and itchy because of it, right? Good. That's exactly how I like to leave my readers feeling. Enjoy.
Only in Oklahoma, kids, only in Oklahoma.
Technorati tags : celebrity, gossip, McConaughey, Project Runway, entertainment, Big Love
I, like the rest of the blog universe, want to put my two cents in on the Oscars. I actually missed the entire broadcast because I was out doing the things I did in my last post. Regardless, I want to talk about the 'Crash' upset that everyone is buzzing about this morning.
I didn't see any of the movies nominated for Best Picture, except 'Brokeback Mountain' and 'Crash'. And they were both excellent, heart-grabbing movies. While I'm going to regurgitate what I said on Chase's blog this morning with this, here's how I feel about it: 'Crash' 100% deserved to win over Brokeback, in my opinion.
Brokeback was a gorgeous film. It was a phenomenal, tragic love story. The acting was great (I wasn't too fond of Heath's dip-in-mouth-sounding accent though). The cinematography was stunning. The directing was brilliant.
But it was just another love story. A gay couple fall in love, but because of time and/or place, can't come out of the closet, and then, the big shocker, one of them gets killed for being gay? Yeah, it's not that surprising of a story. I do think it's an important film - finally they showed true love and heartache between men. But still, in my opinion, it wasn't that oustanding of a movie. Especially when compared to 'Crash', which I just am absolutely gaga over.
Everyone is up in arms because they think picking Crash was playing it safe. It's Hollywood for fuck's sake - is this really an issue? If you've ever been anywhere within a city mile of West Hollywood, you'll know the answer is a resounding, net-shirt-wearing NO. From where I sit (in this non-film-critic chair), I say they just picked the better choice.
In an article on ABC News, director Ang Lee said about the Oscar outcome, "Why they didn't go for it, I don't know." Why they didn't 'go for' it? Dude, the movie won 3 out of the 5 awards it was nominated for. Sounds like they went for it...at least a little bit!
In honor of the upset, I'm buying the 'Crash' DVD. If you haven't seen it, I beg you do. It deserved the Best Picture. So speaketh me.
Technorati Tags : Oscars, Brokeback Mountain, Best Picture, Crash, Ang Lee, Academy Awards
Meet Gus. She belongs to the people who I'm painting for right now. She just had ear surgery and now has to wear this enormous cone. She's clumsy anyway, so watching her get that thing caught on everything just made my work day so much better.
I just can't help but laugh. I know she's in pain and uncomfortable and depressed...but dammit, that's pure comedy. She kept trying to get into the room I was working on, but the cone was so huge, she'd get stuck between the wall and the door. Awwwww.
Her owners have a 7-year-old (whose room I'm painting) and, as I was told, last night he was throwing popcorn at Gus. When she'd miss, the popcorn would get trapped and roll around in the cone. She would search and search for it. It was apparently good family fun. I wish I could have been there to see it. Poor, poor Gus. Can't you just see the shame in her eyes? Still - I laugh.
She's laughing too, see? 
On another note, here is the room I got to paint today. It's always SUCH fun to paint actual colors! (Off white is NOT a color, people.)
I couldn't help myself!
I'd heard about Yoga Booty Ballet a little bit here and there and thought it sounded like the dumbest idea in the world. I thought it was just another way to get us out-of-shape girls to spend our dough on dust collectors.
Then I saw the infomercial!
It was about 2:30 in the morning when I saw it, and I almost broke my legs getting out of bed to go order it online. It was such a fun little infomercial, I was almost dancing in bed. And I'm NOT normally one to watch, let alone BUY from those things. But I just couldn't control the urge with this one. Now I'm stalking the mailman waiting for my DVDs to arrive.
Yeah, give it a week, I know. At least I'll get off my ass for that one week. And who doesn't like to say "booty"? I mean, come on. Those two things alone are worth the $45.
I already posted once tonight, but then found a meme that I thought would be fun. It's my first one. *sniffle* Baby's growing up.
This meme was made by NinjaPoodles.
The point is : think of a few movies that make you cry. Like boo-hoo-snot-on-the-lip cry. Then, go Google a still from that movie (one that doesn't just give it away totally). If you have a blog, repost the meme on yours so we can get a big boatload ring of participation.
Here are my movies. Click on the pictures to visit the movie's IMDB site. But don't cheat!! What movies do you know? (I'm easy, I know....)
This man:
Why Snoop Dogg, you ask? Let me explain.
First of all, he named his three kids Corde, Cordell, and Cori. That's almost as disgusting as making twins dress exactly the same. He may as well have named them kid1, kid2, and kid3. Yeah, yeah, he was using his middle name (Cordozar) as inspiration, but come on, that's just plain ol' pot-induced laziness. (Remind me to send this to The Lazy Asian)
Secondly, he was on Jay Leno tonight talking about all his children and the topic of 'the talk' came up. Snoop said he has had the sex conversation with the boys (Corde and Cordell), but when Jay said "what about your daughter?", Snoop said there was no way anyone would ever talk to her about those things. I believe it was more of a "ah no way, man, we ain't never goin' there." Apparently, according to Snoop, if girls don't hear about things, sex just doesn't happen for them. Fantastic, Snoop. Good job.
Snoop went on to say that not only has he had the "protection sex" talk with his sons, he's also had the "first date sex" talk. Jay asked what all that entailed, assuming it was the 'you don't have sex on a first date' thing. Ahhh, naive Jay. Snoop said, "nah, man, for girls it's not ok, but for the guys, you gotta do it."
Snoop answered the crowd's gasping and moaning with "that's life, man."
Bravo, Snoop, bravo. Just what we need in this world. More doggs.
Fo shizzle.
originally posted on Blogspot
